I need to stop coming to work sober
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just want to make out with him forever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
