I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
