Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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