I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
