I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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