You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
