shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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