As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
pop tarts are not kleenex
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
