yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
