Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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