Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
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