New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
