Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
