i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
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