Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
