being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
