I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
