We named our party play list daddy issues
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
