My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
