we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
