No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
