just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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