Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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