I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
