I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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