You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
