Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
