The best revenge is premature balding
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
