First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
