your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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