he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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