Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
