I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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