2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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