i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
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