Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
