they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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