i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
