we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
