How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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