i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
