with your own penis?
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
