This girl is more easily done than said...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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