the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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