He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
