Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i already hear my dad disowning me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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