better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
