We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
