AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I love having hate sex.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
