white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
