You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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