The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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