I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
